whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
