Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
