hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
