My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
