my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
a search helicopter?!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize