Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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