I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
