I have demons in me.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
