Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
