I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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