My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Still dying that you shit outside
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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