Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
