he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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