Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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