Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
