fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
