my vag is so smooth its legendary
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
