i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize