in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
