Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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