I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
