Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
