Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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