I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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