What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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