i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize