This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
