White coat. Heels.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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