There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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