Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
