Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
