remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
