You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
