$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
