it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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