we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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