i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize