I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
