Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
