That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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