every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
