my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
