it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize