Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
