I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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