I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize