The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
