I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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