I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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