for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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