We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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