So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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