I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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