you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize