I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
