apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
