I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
not ubering you a puppy
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
