OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
