Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
