i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
