there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
