I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
