I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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