I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
