the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
