ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
